Friday Favorites

Happy November!

Let's start off November thinking about ourselves and how we see ourselves - what has happened to our self esteem?  I know my boy has to remind me daily that I am beautiful - because I simply cannot see what he does.  I know I've been brainwashed by the media and what society considers "beautiful", and now I'm on a path to figure out how to take that back.

Let's start with the lies we tell ourselves to be liked.  These are the lies that we feel we need to tell in order for people to consider us "worthy".  Why can't we just be worthy because of who we are?  I definitely struggle with this - while I don't lie about where I went to college, I know it's not what was "expected" so I say it with a bit of a grimace.  I've gotten better about it - it was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life, but it does not fit into the image I thought I needed to have in order to have people think well of me.

I think knowing the real Jessica Rabbit is important - she had a manufactured image.

His first move was to have three expensive dresses made for her — without backs. He then titled his client “The Back” and had her appear at previews and parties in her plunging creations. Soon local photographers zeroed in on Miss Dougan’s bare spinal column, and gagsters began originating such cracks as, “Vikki Dougan makes the best exits in town.”

Petra Collins wrote a beautiful article after her instagram profile was deleted....

To those who reported me, to those who are disgusted by my body, to those who commented "horrible" or "disgusting" on an image of ME, I want you to thoughtfully dissect your own reaction to these things, please think about WHY you felt this way, WHY this image was so shocking, WHY you have no tolerance for it. Hopefully you will come to understand that it might not be you thinking these things but society telling you how to think.

Are you as horrified as I am that these are the autocompletes for Googling "Women"?

This article had a few paragraphs that hit me really hard:

The world doesn’t owe us a big compliment about the way we look, but we should be able to feel good about ourselves, and it would help a lot if we weren’t being told all the time that our appearances were really important. Maybe the most important thing about us. In practically every book I read as a kid where there was a male protagonist, his love interest would be the prettiest girl around. It was like that was the baseline requirement. She had to start out effortlessly being the prettiest, and then after that she could have a personality. Beauty sounded like something all the really awesome girls automatically had.

This program in NYC is the best thing I've heard about in a while.  LONG LIVE BEAUTIFUL REAL GIRLS!  

Sleepy Sleepy Sleepy

I went to the sleep doctor yesterday... apparently, I definitely have some sort of sleep disorder.  It could be narcolepsy, sleep apnea (unlikely, but still possible), or a fancy name for Unknown Sleep Disorder.

Now, when I think of narcolepsy, this is what jumps into my head:



But that's close to what I've been experiencing... the sudden, uncontrollable urge to sleep.  I can fight it with the right combination of physical activity, mental activity, and general "upbeat" atmosphere (I find that music with a good, moving beat and no lyrics helps), but there's only so long I can fight it without consequences - I begin to fall apart.  My body begins to give out - I get shaky; I get nauseous; the pain increases.  My mind stops being able to function: words are lost, concentration shattered.

I need to sleep.

And I sleep anywhere from 10 minutes to 6 hours.

Sometimes all day.

It's devastating.

And anything I do can have lasting effects - days where I cannot do anything but nap and lie around.  I am hoping to try a 5k this weekend just to try.  It'll be the slowest I've ever done, but I will have done it.  That's the plan at least.  I need to prove to myself that I can be something other than this ghost of myself and that yes, I will get back to where I was physically.

Wednesday Wishlist

This week's wishlist is all about Etsy finds.  I love supporting independent business owners who are following their passions.



Though I tend to express my Leo side in more subtle terms, this ring would remind me that I am tied to the stars as are we all.

Holy Octopi!   This plush is just too adorable to pass up - customizable too!

My heart has been in so many states - these charms could be added to the necklace I already wear everyday to remind me of where my home has been.

I find this monogramed green hair bow would go perfectly with... well, everything.

And how adorable is this monogramed infinity scarf?

How wonderful could it be to own a Phi Rho CT long sleeve shirt?

And this bib/medal hanger would solve a serious problem with what to do with my race bibs and medals!

This week's Playlist

Curtesy of Spotify



AWOLNATION – Sail
Imagine Dragons – Radioactive
Robin Thicke – Blurred Lines
Sara Bareilles – Brave
Phillip Phillips – Gone, Gone, Gone
Britney Spears – Work B**ch
Ylvis – The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?)
Katy Perry – Roar
Imagine Dragons – It's Time
Avicii – Heart Upon My Sleeve

Weekly Goals!

Let's see how we did last week on our (my) goals:

1. Finish spray painting the other nightstand and put in place
2. Create a bedtime routine that includes going through one magazine before bed
3. Go to the bank and get quarters and continue working on mount washmore
4. Move the boy's bookcase to the new corner and begin the process of filling it with cookbooks and canned goods
5. Begin cleanup of second bedroom aka removing obvious trash.  

Number 1 - Accomplished!  I made a bit of a mistake that ended up looking really cool - did you know that clear spray paint is not actually a coating for other spray paints?  It'll actually make the original paint alligator all over the place... plus it got a bit of rain on it.... so what did I do to fix it?  Add spray paint in navy over the white - and it came out looking like the sea (at least that's what I'm telling myself it looks like).  Either way the boy loves it so that's what matters most.

Number 2 - Working on it.  At this point I'm usually so exhausted by the time I get to bed that I just crash and pass out almost instantaneously or I play on my phone until I get too tired to function.  So that's an in progress......

Number 3 - Done and done!  Woot!  Got a bunch of laundry done this weekend.

Number 4 - DONE!  WOOOOOO!!!!!! Now I have a bookshelf right next to my desk that matches (it's white!).  Oh Ikea.....

Number 5 - Did a teeny tiny bit... so it's going back on for next week.  I SHALL CONQUER IT!  


So this week:

1. Create a bedtime routine that includes going through one magazine before bed
2. Continue working on mount washmore
3. Begin cleanup of second bedroom aka removing obvious trash
4. Hang two things on the gallery wall
5. Organize and photograph my desk so you can see the improvements! (they are many!)

Full of Anxiety

Doctor's appointment yesterday.  Disappointing as per usual.  I know I shouldn't be looking for a miracle cure, but I am.  I really am hoping that one of these pills or one of these studies will come up with a EUREKA moment for the doctor, and he/she will subscribe something tangible for me to be doing to be getting rid of this endless fatigue.

I live in a fog.  The "I've woken up in the middle of the night because I need to pee, get a glass of water etc" kind of fog.  I try to keep just how exhausted I am from the general public because one must keep up appearances as much as possible, but it's wearing down my spirit.  I know I'm supposed to keep my chin up and keep on keeping on, but as the number of doctors increases with no real answers... It's a bit difficult.  Because now I'm to go get a sleep study done to see if that's the main cause.  Now, I'm beginning to feel that there's real issues with my brainpan.  

The boy says it's progress, and I suppose on one hand it is, but on the other - it just means that one more doctor doesn't know what to do with me.  Which causes much anxiety.

I am going to say that my anxiety is moderate to severe because it does impact my day to day life.  I worry about what people are going to think of me.  I worry about money.  I worry if my shoes really do match my outfit.  I worry about the people I love.  I worry that I'll never get better.  

I am extremely anxious in crowded areas.  I am afraid that I will offend someone simply by existing in their path.  It's ridiculous, I know, but I get overwhelmed and fearful of people.  Now, I know that on average people are wonderful.  I try to set an example by interacting with people with overt kindness.

For instance, I was buying glass floating frames to hang stuff for my gallery wall (I cannot wait to show you when it's done!), and while checking out, the cashier accidentally broke one of the frames.  The frame that happened to be the last in the store.  She was so apologetic, and I was nonchalant about it - glass breaks.  It wasn't her fault; I wasn't angry; I wasn't in any hurry to get anywhere, and I was sure it would be remedied satisfactorily.  As I was getting my library card (#57 on the 101 in 1001 list), the guy who was setting up my profile was new and just learning the software and kept messing up.  He kept apologizing, and again, I kept telling him that it was no big deal that I was in no hurry, and I could definitely deal with my last name being my first name.  It's all on my photo ID, right?

Do other people do this?  From what I see, people are grouchy and impatient - wrapped up in their own little worlds.... completely unaware of the struggle and embarrassment of others.  What kind of world have we created?

Wow, this was not the way I thought this post was going to go, but that's ok.  It's all part of the same thing.  How I interact with the world.

Does anyone else feel like this?  I'd love to know I'm not alone in my anxiety.

I also try to battle my concern about makeup (how people see me) by wearing the brightest pink lip crayon I own when I'm sitting at my desk.  It came in one of my Ipsy (Affiliate Link) bags and it is Pop Beauty's Pouty Pop Crayon in Fuchsia Flirt.   I couldn't find it on its own, but it looks like it could be in that Ulta link.  Let's just say it's really bright.

Uhm, so yea, that's the best one where I didn't look like a crazed zombie.  Also - check out the new glasses!  Super snazzy!  And you can also see the beginning of the gallery wall... all like six pictures.

Gah!  Pictures of me!  Facing the camera!  Making a face!  Those four statements pretty much sum up all photos of me ever.  

Friday Favorites

Absolutely amazing - the wonders of the world.

I love how this woman reacted to a douchebag commenting on whether or not she was wearing a thong

And this traveling campaign Stop Telling Women To Smile is along the same lines as making random "complimentary" (aka derogatory) comments to women people see.

It's horrifying that women and girls are so hateful towards themselves and their bodies.  This article on Huffpost shares some seriously scary statistics.

Women have cellulite. All of them. It's dimply and cute. It's not a defect. It's not a health problem. It's the natural consequence of not consisting of photoshopped pixels, and not having emerged from an airbrush.

 10 Signs Your Kitty Loves You - Hooray!  My fuzzy children are happy and love me!!!

Staying Healthy on the go is extremely difficult.  The widget from Real Simple can help make better snacking choices based on where you are snacking and what you are craving.

Dustin Hoffman just became my hero.  Watch this video.

There are too many interesting women that I have not had the experience to know in this life because I have been brainwashed