Full of Anxiety

Doctor's appointment yesterday.  Disappointing as per usual.  I know I shouldn't be looking for a miracle cure, but I am.  I really am hoping that one of these pills or one of these studies will come up with a EUREKA moment for the doctor, and he/she will subscribe something tangible for me to be doing to be getting rid of this endless fatigue.

I live in a fog.  The "I've woken up in the middle of the night because I need to pee, get a glass of water etc" kind of fog.  I try to keep just how exhausted I am from the general public because one must keep up appearances as much as possible, but it's wearing down my spirit.  I know I'm supposed to keep my chin up and keep on keeping on, but as the number of doctors increases with no real answers... It's a bit difficult.  Because now I'm to go get a sleep study done to see if that's the main cause.  Now, I'm beginning to feel that there's real issues with my brainpan.  

The boy says it's progress, and I suppose on one hand it is, but on the other - it just means that one more doctor doesn't know what to do with me.  Which causes much anxiety.

I am going to say that my anxiety is moderate to severe because it does impact my day to day life.  I worry about what people are going to think of me.  I worry about money.  I worry if my shoes really do match my outfit.  I worry about the people I love.  I worry that I'll never get better.  

I am extremely anxious in crowded areas.  I am afraid that I will offend someone simply by existing in their path.  It's ridiculous, I know, but I get overwhelmed and fearful of people.  Now, I know that on average people are wonderful.  I try to set an example by interacting with people with overt kindness.

For instance, I was buying glass floating frames to hang stuff for my gallery wall (I cannot wait to show you when it's done!), and while checking out, the cashier accidentally broke one of the frames.  The frame that happened to be the last in the store.  She was so apologetic, and I was nonchalant about it - glass breaks.  It wasn't her fault; I wasn't angry; I wasn't in any hurry to get anywhere, and I was sure it would be remedied satisfactorily.  As I was getting my library card (#57 on the 101 in 1001 list), the guy who was setting up my profile was new and just learning the software and kept messing up.  He kept apologizing, and again, I kept telling him that it was no big deal that I was in no hurry, and I could definitely deal with my last name being my first name.  It's all on my photo ID, right?

Do other people do this?  From what I see, people are grouchy and impatient - wrapped up in their own little worlds.... completely unaware of the struggle and embarrassment of others.  What kind of world have we created?

Wow, this was not the way I thought this post was going to go, but that's ok.  It's all part of the same thing.  How I interact with the world.

Does anyone else feel like this?  I'd love to know I'm not alone in my anxiety.

I also try to battle my concern about makeup (how people see me) by wearing the brightest pink lip crayon I own when I'm sitting at my desk.  It came in one of my Ipsy (Affiliate Link) bags and it is Pop Beauty's Pouty Pop Crayon in Fuchsia Flirt.   I couldn't find it on its own, but it looks like it could be in that Ulta link.  Let's just say it's really bright.

Uhm, so yea, that's the best one where I didn't look like a crazed zombie.  Also - check out the new glasses!  Super snazzy!  And you can also see the beginning of the gallery wall... all like six pictures.

Gah!  Pictures of me!  Facing the camera!  Making a face!  Those four statements pretty much sum up all photos of me ever.