Building Bridges

Since you can't change it - what are you going to do now?

This is a question that my therapist puts to me frequently.  There are things in my past I cannot change, but still have quite an impact on my emotions today.  I carry them with me all the time, and while I know I cannot change them, I also don't know what to do about them.

Most people are probably rolling their eyes and saying "well, build a bridge and GET OVER IT!"  Unfortunately, it's not as simple as that... or maybe it is.  Maybe I've been looking at bridge as one unit, when really, it's multiple steps.

Sometimes my engineering brain takes a smoke break.

Now, I have no true idea on how to build a bridge.  I'm basing this on my experience designing cathodic protection systems.  I assume the theory behind design is the same.

First, you have to get the lay of the land.  You need to know the distance across the river, whether the bottom of the river is silty or rocky, how many cars theoretically want to cross the bridge each way, what kinds of materials you might have access to... etc.  This is where you are going to start.

So, emotionally, what is the lay of the land?  Right now, I'm still exploring what emotions are and how to deal with them.  I've never truly been angry.  I don't know how to deal with strong emotions.  And that's what I'm learning.  I'm learning to embrace the anger, and how to experience it and not let it become overwhelming.

So that's step 1 - learning about what is going on inside me right now.  It's been an eye-opening experience so far.  

Weekly Goals

Ok, back to the grind... let's set some achievable goals for this week!  That's going to be my motto from now on - achievable.  I know that I haven't been able to predict how I'll feel on any given day, so frequently goals have been more like obstacles and become overwhelming.

1) Drink sleepytime tea every night before bed
2) Increase average steps to over 5,000
3) Write blog about Seamwork Magazine and sewing the Manila leggings

That's it!  I'm going to take it easy and ramp it up as time goes on.

101 in 1001 Update

So my life changed.  And a whole bunch of these goals suddenly seemed out of line with where my life is going and where I want it to go and who I seem to be turning into.  I've italicized anything that doesn't line up anymore, and will revamp the list to replace the things I've replaced.  

1.  Create the list  (September 2013)

2.  Finish my wall of art (Happened before I moved, I didn't get a picture)

3.  Set up a schedule for posting on the blog

4.  Start taking "outfit of the day" shots to create a section on the blog

5.  Wardrobe overhaul

6.  Invest in a classic handbag Replaced with Reach 10,000 steps in a day

7.  Drink 8 glasses of water (or 1 gallon) every day for one week

8.  See all the Harry Potter movies

9.  Send fifty handwritten notes (10/50)

10. Visit a city I've never been to before

11. Revisit Boston

12. Catch up on all the magazines I have

13. Throw out or donate twenty things and do not replace them

14. Create an official address book with friends' and family's information

15. Send out Christmas Cards

16. Spend a day with siblings doing whatever they want, all paid for by me

17. Wear makeup for every day for twenty-one days

18. Make ten recipes off of Pinterest (4/10)

19. Send my mom and stepmom flowers out of the blue

20. Learn calligraphy 

21. Read 100 new books  (Read over 170 in 2014!)

22. Get a facial

23. Get my nails done for Orchid Ball Replaced with Be Active with Jamberry for 4 months in a row

24. Get new glasses (October 2013)

25. Go camping

26. Revitalize five pieces of furniture 4/5 (Nightstand x2, Desk, Makeup container  - October 2013)

27. Go to the top of the Empire State Building

28. Go zip lining

29. Have a friend take a portrait for my blog

30. See ten "classic" films

31. Get a DSLR camera Replaced with Wear an entire outfit of things made by me

32. Find out my blood type (B+ January 2015)

33. Go skydiving

34. Finish my Renaissance Faire costume

35. Volunteer at a soup kitchen

36. Donate old clothes 

37. Surprise the boy with something special

38. Donate money to a friend's charitable cause (September 2013)

39. Clean out kitchen

40. Run a 10k

41. Develop an exercise regimen and stick to it for 21 days

42. Take a yoga class

43. Visit five new states

44. Learn how to shoot a gun

45. Learn to snowboard

46. Write a short story

47. Have boudoir pictures taken

48. Give twenty "just because" gifts

49. Achieve target weight Replaced with Complete a 5k

50. Research Dad's side of the family back to immigration to USA

51. See one of the wonders of the world

52. Visit ten new museums

53. Work with an interior designer (or design-minded friend) for one room in my apartment Replaced with plan meals for a week and stick to it

54.  Work on Inbox Zero

55. Get personalized stationary 

56. Buy a Hermés scarf Replaced with Go running with Matthias

57. Join the local public library (October 2013)

58. Floss everyday for one month

59. Purchase and learn photo editing software

60. Go tubing on a river

61. Go apple picking (October 2013)

62. Make my college t-shirt quilt

63. Pay off credit card debt (1 card down, 1 to go!)

64. Put together a master birthday calendar and send birthday cards

65. Get up without pressing snooze for one week

66. Avoid eating out for one month

67. Participate in 31 days

68. Build a wardrobe look-book

69. Make 20 things off of Pinterest (not food)

70. Learn to throw a football

71. Discover 30 new restaurants

72. Complete a blog challenge (like A-Z, Something from here, etc)

73. Buy myself flowers every week for a month

74. Spend a week Facebook free

75. Figure out a way to showcase my jewelry

76. Go paintballing

77. See the northern lights

78. See a movie in the theatre by myself

79. Go Geocaching

80. Complete 30 miles in 30 days challenge

81. Leave 100% tip

82. Have my palms read

83. Design the blog to reflect my personal style/content

84. Unsubscribe from as many email services as possible

85. Subscribe to one more style magazine

86. Subscribe to one good home DIY magazine

87. Subscribe to one good cooking magazine

88. Take a free online class

89. Start donating monthly to the Phi Rho Foundation

90. Attend a meetup.com group

91. Dye my hair

92. Finish writing the book

93. Watch 10 different TED talks and review/talk about them on the blog (1/10)

94. Micro-finance 10 female-owned businesses via Kiva

95. 200 Sit Ups challenge

96. 200 squats challenge

97. Write a letter to myself to open on my 30th birthday

98. Buy something from Tiffany's Replaced with create high-vis coats for Matthias

99. Find an updo and make it my go-to

100. Take one class a season Replaced with foster for Finding Shelter Animal Rescue

101. Save $20 for each goal accomplished Replaced with save every $5 I come across

Resolutions

It's January.  A new year - a "fresh start" - a time to make resolutions to make yourself/your life better.  Usually, (unless you're particularly stubborn) these resolutions fall by the wayside relatively quickly.

This is why I have chosen resolutions that can be broken down into tiny TINY steps and work with the overall of where I want my life to go.  These resolutions are themes that I know I struggle with and would like to do things to try to be more mindful of each of these themes.  Plus - I don't want to set myself up for failure.

Theme 1: Physical Self-Care

For the past year and a half, I have struggled with as-yet-undiagnosed pain and fatigue.  Doctors don't know why I have these issues.  So, in 2015, I resolve to be more conscious of my physical state and to work towards a pain/fatigue free life.

What does this mean on a day to day basis ?  I will pay attention to my body.  If I am in pain, I will not suffer through it - I will actively work to alleviate pain.  I will be more conscious of how much I move throughout the day (thanks to my Fitbit Flex!).  I will also be more conscious as to what I am eating.  This is not to say I'm going to give up sugar or caffeine or anything like that (at least not all at once) - but I'll be just be aware that I tend to binge on Starbursts when I'm stressed and that I tend to not drink enough liquids in a day and things of that nature.  It is my hope that if I continue to be aware, that I will create better habits that will carry throughout the year and be the bedrock to making larger, healthier changes like moving to a paleo or vegan diet, beginning to workout regularly, etc.

Theme 2: Emotional Self-Care

I started going to a psychologist in 2014, and it has been an eye opener.  I carry a lot of sadness, anger, and lack of self-identity with me.  And although I carry these emotions with me, I have no idea how to process them – so I don’t, and frequently, turn them inwards… at myself.  So this year, I resolve to take care of myself emotionally.  I will indulge in anger, allow sadness to roll over me, and not analyze every self-image decision I make.  I will not question my urge to wear bright pink lipstick.  I will attempt not to be afraid to be me.  I will take time for me. 

I will sew for myself.  I will take baths.  I will make sure my nails are the way I want them (this is where Jamberry steps in).  I will drink tea.  I will take time to “egg up” if necessary and hide away from the world.  I will take care not to overwhelm myself.   I will concentrate on communicating how I am feeling to the people around me. 

Theme 3: Financial Self-Care

My savings were crucial during several points in 2014.  I relied on them when pet expenses included unplanned surgeries, and the adoption of Matthias.  I plan on building them back up – one $5 at a time.  Whenever I receive a $5 bill, I will save it.  I will also make an effort to use cash more often – that way I am more conscious of what I spend.  Now that I have combined finances with R, things are a bit more complicated, but also much simpler.  There’s no longer the argument as to who is going to pay for what – it all comes out of our account.  And there is a discussion when someone wants to buy something – so impulse spending is lessened significantly.  With the move, I can now eat lunch at home – another way to keep costs to a minimum.

Well, there we go - three themes.  

Here's to 2015!