Friday, January 30, 2015

Building Bridges

Since you can't change it - what are you going to do now?

This is a question that my therapist puts to me frequently.  There are things in my past I cannot change, but still have quite an impact on my emotions today.  I carry them with me all the time, and while I know I cannot change them, I also don't know what to do about them.

Most people are probably rolling their eyes and saying "well, build a bridge and GET OVER IT!"  Unfortunately, it's not as simple as that... or maybe it is.  Maybe I've been looking at bridge as one unit, when really, it's multiple steps.

Sometimes my engineering brain takes a smoke break.

Now, I have no true idea on how to build a bridge.  I'm basing this on my experience designing cathodic protection systems.  I assume the theory behind design is the same.

First, you have to get the lay of the land.  You need to know the distance across the river, whether the bottom of the river is silty or rocky, how many cars theoretically want to cross the bridge each way, what kinds of materials you might have access to... etc.  This is where you are going to start.

So, emotionally, what is the lay of the land?  Right now, I'm still exploring what emotions are and how to deal with them.  I've never truly been angry.  I don't know how to deal with strong emotions.  And that's what I'm learning.  I'm learning to embrace the anger, and how to experience it and not let it become overwhelming.

So that's step 1 - learning about what is going on inside me right now.  It's been an eye-opening experience so far.  

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