Today is about balance

Learning to balance this illness with what I want to do is difficult.  If I do too much, I'm out of the game the next day and possibly the day after as well.  If I don't do enough, I feel as though I'm giving in to the pain.

I also need to balance life and work.  This is something I have always struggled with.  For me, it seems like it's an either-or proposition.  Either I work OR I have a life.  And, unfortunately, work has always been the priority.  I believe it's the need to be successful in tangible ways that drives me.  As though my status in life is a contest with my peers.

I also have a tendency to downplay accomplishments that I consider to have been "easy".  It usually isn't until someone points out how it wasn't as simple or easy as I had been telling myself - that truly, it was something to be proud of - that I begin to see it as an accomplishment.  I suppose i have different ways of viewing things than everyone else.  There are things that need to be done, so you buckle down and make sure they get done - regardless of their difficulty.

I need to get out of the house for more than just work.  So yesterday I went to a live podcast recording of Sex Nerd Sandra at Tabu in Philly.  It was wonderful.  Less educational and more laughter and being open about sex and boundaries and what makes people uncomfortable.  Also a big discussion as to whether pouring H2O2 into your vagina while on your period would be a good idea.  And what H2O2 actually does to blood.  I laughed and really enjoyed myself.

I also discovered my new go-to drink when I'm in a gin kind of mood - a pink elephant.  I believe it's made of grenadine and gin - delicious.  Perhaps a bit of lime.

What I wore last night:

JCrew Factory Popover (only I wore it in red... can't find that on the site)

And jeans with my new Toms shoes.  I brought a jean jacket with me as it was a bit chilly.  Also, this is officially my new favorite shirt.  It's so beyond comfortable, and I don't look like a complete slob (always a good thing).  This is an adventure in dressing for me - not worrying about what other people might think about what I'm wearing, whether it makes me look "fat", but whether I like wearing it.  I want to be comfortable and confident in the clothes I'm wearing.  It seems like a no-brainer, but I've evolved so much that I'm not sure where my tastes lay right now.  So I'll experiment.  

Right now I'm leaning towards a preppy-eqsue look.  I'm loving monograms and really want something to wear my sorority letters on.  Seeing the letters the college girls around my town wear makes me miss wearing my own.  I doubt I'll wear t-shirts and hoodies like in college, but I'd go for subtle things - a lavalier or polos or something.  I haven't decided.  Plus, anything I get has to be custom because most places don't carry my sorority.  Alas.  

-Gingko